Indie Novelist | Comic | Actress | Filmmaker

Friday, July 31, 2015

Give Men Their Balls Back.

Many women are unhappy with the 'the men of today.' 

Of course. 

We've crushed the balls of our men. 

We didn't do it on purpose. We didn't know what we were doing. 

Before publishing this article, I showed it to three of my male friends - all divorced, or unhappy in relationships. 

One lawyer, one movie producer and one film director. 

All three: handsome, intelligent, successful, good men. They literally repeated "THANK YOU! " over and over as they read.  


We want a man to be a MAN.
But what we have now is a nation full of men who are confused.

Here's What Turns Us On:
  • We want a man who is a man (bears repeating).
  • We want him more powerful than us.
  • We want him to take charge.
  • We want him to make us feel like he's got the situation under control, so we can sit back and know we're in good hands.SAFE. 
  • We want a man who loves us, but who still throws us up against a wall to tuck his fingers under our skirt as he kisses us with a hunger so passionate it makes our knees jello.
  • We want a man who tosses us on the bed and then climbs on it like a tiger--on all fours--coming to get us. 
  • We want the old saying: "Treat me like a lady in public and a whore in the bedroom.
Enter the solution:

Ladies, forgive me, but stop turning your men into women. 

Yep. I said it. Stop turning your men into women. I said it again.

This goes for the boys you are raising and the men you are dating, or have vowed your forever to...

It even goes for your friends. Because guess what, ladies? We did this not only to them. 

We did this to US. 

And we will keep lusting after the bad boy until we realize we have our own bad boys right under our noses in the form of really great MEN who are dying to be men, but are terrified because we struck the fear of WOMEN into them. 

The feminist revolution was great,
but it went too far.

We wanted to be equal in pay (which we often still aren't, and that's bullshit)

...and to be equal in treatment (I like voting, how 'bout you?) 

...but in relationships and certainly in the bedroom, when we told men to stop opening doors, we closed them.

I'm assuming you're smart enough to know the metaphor is far-reaching and all-inclusive. 


We are equal in importance--but different from each other in many ways. Brain studies have showed our neural pathways do not match in how we react, think, plan, etc... We are not the same.


It's that yin and yang that makes us the perfect team. 

If I can do everything myself, that doesn't mean I should. 

He can do everything on his own, too. Ever think of that?


If I do it all myself, where does that give my teammate ROOM to offer his services, advice, and support?  

Where is he needed?

YEP. Mind blown, right?


This is why men often leave their wives/girlfriends for younger women. 

I'm sorry, but it's not for their hot bodies. 

Those girls make them feel needed. 

If she looks at him like he hangs the moon, why wouldn't he want to be around that?

Especially when he no longer gets that at home.

It's for the appreciation and the hero-factor.

She thinks he's one. He wants to feel like one.

Who wouldn't? 

We can change what we have into what we want. 
We can empower ourselves and our men. 
We can have what we really want.  

What can we do ?

Are you ready for the answer? It's not going to be easy, which says a lot.

We can stop correcting them.

We can stop telling them what to do.

We can wink at them when they do something we like. Winks are flirty.

We can ask them for their opinion and really listen to the answer like it's a gift - because everyone's time and consideration is. 

We can say nice things about them to our friends.

We can NEVER roll our eyes about them with our friends, their friends, our family, their family, or anyone, ever. 

We can say nice things about them in front of other people, especially when they're listening.

We can keep doing these things even when the effect isn't immediate.

We can do these things without looking to see if they know how wonderful we are for trying.

We can walk by them and whisper something sexy in their ear in the middle of the day, evening, weekend - out of the blue and with no motive other than to turn them on.

We can tell them they look sexy in the clothes we like on them, rather than telling them what we don't like. Positive, SEXY reinforcement will get amazing results. 

We can get rid of the TV in the bedroom and spend more time doing other things, like talking and listening. And vavavoom.

We can encourage them to go out with their friends - men need men just like women need women.
We can caress the inside of their palms with our thumb when we're holding hands, and smile up at them like they hang the moon. Fake it until you make it.

We can look at them like they're the sexiest man on the planet when they're flipping burgers on the BBQ.

We can praise when they fix something around the house.

We can let them pick the restaurant AND not ask for directions even if it takes longer to get to where we're going. Who cares? What's the hurry?

We can go to our girlfriends for the question, "Do I look fat in this? It's not hot. It's a trap. Cut it out.

We can go to our girlfriends for the things he doesn't 'get.' It takes a village to raise a person and one human being can't be all things.

We can remember he's on our side and we're on his.

We can say in the middle of an argument, "Just so you know, we're disagreeing on this, but I still love you and want to hear what you have to say." (Whoa. Game changer)

We can ask for help. They love to help.

We can raise our arms above our heads during sex. They love this. It's a submissive position. It says, I'm all yours and you're in control. Believe me - they will take the control when it is given them. 

This list is in random order, but I bet you felt the truth in it...and could see how implementing some changes would give your man his balls back, and give you a man you can respect. 

Inspire someone to be who you want them to be. 

These will help you do just that. INSPIRE him. 
Things only change, if we change. 

"Why do I have to do all the changing?" 

Because now you have the answers. 

At least... some of them. 

Others you'll find on your own.

I have girlfriends who've made these adjustments to incredible results. 

We would have less divorce if we only knew how to love one another. It starts with you, because you can do anything. Women can and will be the heart of a relationship. It starts with us. They react. We inspire.

Less divorce, less cheating, less depression. Give it a shot and let me know if I'm onto something.

How long will it be before it works? 

Exactly as long as it will be if you didn't try. 

Faleena Hopkins

P.S. I opted not to branch into the subject of parenting sons, (for that topic, you might want to check out this wonderful article by a mom called "A Case For Letting Boys Be Strong" )

KEYWORDS: how to reboot your marriage, how to have a happy relationship, how to have a happy marriage, how to win your husband back, winning your husband back after a separation, winning your husband back before it's too late. 


  1. nailed it! Spot-on! This is such a powerful message! Bravo!

    1. Thank you very much Jim! I replied to this but somehow it never stuck. Sorry about the delay!

    2. Very welcome! No problem...I understand! Have a great weekend! Take care!

  2. I stumbled on this when looking at your books on Amazon. I'm a 60+ woman who still enjoys being a woman, and I watched the Feminist movement from its beginnings. I was raise to enjoy being female and watching what was happening to men broke my heart; I knew what was coming and now you are, thankfully, explaining to the younger women how to fix what my generation broke. God bless you, Faleena, you are spot on in everything you've said. I hope they hear you.

    1. Thank you Kate. I hope they do, too. And thank you for reaching out and encouraging us all. We need a little more balance and a lot more happiness. xx, Faleena


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